we were beautiful

by nature

beautiful - pleasing to the senses or mind

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i want to write something beautiful about us.

these past few days have been.. difficult. i have been crying into my mask on the streets, catching tears mid conversation, and groaning at least four times per hour. i usually don’t write about things AS they’re happening, that kind of vulnerability is frightening (as fuck) but i am already immersed in a terrific reality.

i want to write something beautiful about us, because we were beautiful together. the kind of beauty we carried in our orbit was elemental. we mirrored each other in ways that felt like a trick to the eyes; a siren underwater morphing into likeness so that we are too intrigued to avert our gaze. a pond that we’ve stumbled upon in our aligned isolation- too awed to consider the consequences of leaning over still water to catch our reflection. meeting you felt like being introduced to another realm, kissing you felt like being pulled into it.

we were beautiful together, like i am beautiful with myself.

i want(ed) our love to work, like i need love to work for myself.

i am carrying storms within myself that have devastated my nervous system, and taken away mementos that i am still searching for in the wreckage. when i open myself up, i am still so beautiful. i am still holy land.

i’ve explored so much of who you are, and it has all been so beautiful. your tears have watered the most rigid parts of me - your “why am i always crying?” met my “why can’t i cry?” with wonder. you saw strong in me, i saw stronger in you.

oh your beauty, oh your beauty, ill cry about it forever.

blessed is the lands that we are indigenous to. blessed are our vessels. blessed. blessed.

i cannot find ugly in you- even as you purge yourself of insecurity littered in your body. your words are harsh, like the world has been harsh to you. i won’t swallow them, now that i know better.

your eyes have cut me like the glass of encased candles that have exploded atop my altar- i am more aware of the fire than the jagged edges.

are you upset to see yourself in me? you have been found by someone who has no intention to pillage and extract. i wished to call you mine, but not mine alone. not mine to capture. not mine to fix.

my home, my heart, my mirror..

i want to write something beautiful about us, because someone has to. someone has to see us beautifully. someone has to see our reflection as ethereal. someone has to see our wreckage as art. someone has to see our insides as wondrous.

i want to write something beautiful about us, because we were beautiful like i am beautiful now. i am beautiful now, and i am a storm. i am a home with a leaky roof. i am a lawn chair turned over. i am a flood. i am not the devastation, but i am a devastating sight. my devastating is beautiful, like you are beautiful, like we were beautiful.

i want to write something beautiful about us, because when we were tangled limbs, and lips, and thoughts, and dreams… i have never felt more beautiful.